The Time Out Solution

The first months of raising a baby are beautiful.  Sure you are completely sleep deprived and smell like spit up.  But your baby is a cuddly bundle of joy.  Then around 18-24 months, the tantrums begin.  You tell them they can’t have a third glass of orange juice and they turn into a tornado of thrashing and screaming.  It is hard to believe that this is the same little cherub that would coo in your ear just a few months ago.  And they are so distraught that you almost feel sorry for them.  So what do you do?  You can’t allow your child to act like this every time they don’t get their way, but it’s hard to discipline them while they are so upset.  The method that I found to be the most effective was giving a time out.

When my son would start to spin out of control I would begin the time out process.  I would take him to his room, set him on the bed and tell him that he needed to calm down so that we could talk.  The general rule of thumb is one minute of time out for every year of age.  So I would leave him in there for two minutes.  It was hard for me to wait two minutes at first, but I knew it was necessary.  He would usually still be screaming when I opened the door, but once I picked him up he would calm down.  If he didn’t calm down, I would put him back in there for two more minutes.  I don’t think it ever took more than two time outs in a row to calm him down.  At that point he would be ready to talk.  I would tell him that he wasn’t allowed to act like that and if he did it again he would get another time out.  I would like to say the melt downs stopped, but they didn’t.  They are just part of life at that age.  I do think that the timeouts minimized their frequency and they definitely minimized my stress when responding to them.

The single most important element to the time out process is consistency.  You must do it every time they throw a tantrum.  If you are not at home, you can use a stroller or a car seat or even your arms for a time out spot.  If you let it slide, even once, then they will start to think that it’s okay for them to act like this sometimes.  When you follow through every time, they will start to associate throwing tantrums with getting time outs. Soon these tantrums will be a thing of the past.  And you and your little one will be closer because of the patience you exercised when dealing with them.