I have to admit, I get a little jealous when other moms tell me about how their babies just stopped nursing at 15 or 18 months. Weaning has been one of the biggest obstacles for me. Both of my boys nursed until at least two and it was an uphill battle the whole way to get them to stop. I will concede that I did not try as aggressively as I could have after reading some of the studies I came across that listed a variety of negative long-term social and emotional effects that can be caused by weaning a child too early.
I was happy to nurse for the first 24 months. Our pediatrician told me that up until the age of two, a baby’s brain develops the most rapidly and there is no greater fuel for that brain devlopment than breast milk. He assured me that I didn’t need to force them to nurse until 2, but if they wanted to, it was best. Most experts agree that if nursing becomes an unpleasant experience for the mother or child, you should begin the weaning process. At the risk of sounding selfish, after 2+ years of nursing I was ready for a break. It got to be uncomfortable for me and I felt that there were now other ways for me to provide them with the nutritional and emotional benefits that they were previously getting from nursing.
The key to healthy weaning is doing it gradually. Remember, you are helping your child into a new stage of development, not forcing him into it. This is not the time for you and your husband to go on a week-long vacation. Weaning by desertion is traumatic and may backfire. Here are steps to gradually weaning your child:
- Use the “don’t offer, don’t refuse” method. Don’t go out of your way to remind her to nurse. However, if your child persists, or her behavior deteriorates, this may indicate that breastfeeding is still a need rather than a want. Watch your child and trust your intuition.
- Start by skipping a least favorite feeding, such as in the middle of the day. Instead, engage in a fun activity together, such as reading a book or playing a game. Nap and night nursings are favorite feedings and will probably be the last to go.
- Minimize situations that induce breastfeeding, such as sitting in a rocking chair or cradling baby. If you put baby in a familiar breastfeeding setting, he will want to breastfeed.
- Become a moving target. Don’t sit down in one place for any length of time. But, remember, weaning means releasing, not rejecting. Breastfeeding helps the child venture from the known to the unknown. If you don’t let your child make brief pit stops, he may insist on lengthy feedings when he finally gets you to sit down. Checking into home base and refueling reassures him that it’s okay to explore his environment, and gives him the emotional boost to venture out.
- Keep baby busy. Nothing triggers the desire to breastfeed like boredom. Sing songs, read books, or go on an outing together.
- Set limits. Putting limits on nursing, such as: “We only nurse when Mr. Sun goes down and when Mr. Sun comes up” does not make you a bad parent.
- Don’t wean baby from you to an object, such as a stuffed animal or blanket. Ideally, you want to wean baby from your breast to an alternative source of emotional nourishment. This is when dad should begin to take on a more involved role in comforting. As dad’s role in baby’s life becomes bigger, nursing will be less important.
- Expect breastfeeding to increase during times of illness. These are times when your child needs comfort and an immune system boost.
Life is a series of weanings for a child: weaning from your womb, your breast, your bed, and your home. The pace at which children wean go from oneness to separateness is different for every child, and this should be respected.
