The other day we were invited to one of our son’s preschool classmates’ birthday party. Instead of the usual get-together at a local beach or playground, the event was held at a small theater company’s location. The kids were asked to come dressed in whatever costume they wanted, and a play was created and acted out by them, managed by the theater director. It was a lively and fun event, and true to the stereotype, the girls all showed up as princesses and the boys all came dressed as warriors — the majority were knights with swords, one was Robin Hood, and ours was dressed in his karate uniform.
One of the kids, however, arrived dressed in black, with a huge sword and open-faced hood. When asked by the director what he was, he replied “I’m an executioner!” This announcement caused some nervous laughter among the adults, compounded by his later stating “I’m going to chop all their heads off!”
Now, let me preface what I’m going to say by acknowledging the immediate reaction to the little executioner. One is inclined to have a Serious Talk with the child (if he’s yours) and explain that under no circumstances would we ever hurt anyone with a sword or any other device, and that nobody gets their heads cut off in this family, etc. This is obviously an important thing for any child to know, and hitting another child or adult should be immediately addressed. However, in the world of young boys, it’s also important to acknowledge the level of comprehension.
While it’s good to realize that your child is special in his own way, there are many noticeable traits that boys in general share. Boys like to be active, and they like action. This manifests in a number of ways — many times through the acting out of exciting stories they’ve been read: pirates searching for treasure, firemen rescuing people from fires, policemen apprehending criminals, etc. You’ll find, however, that your child’s comprehension of exactly what’s going on in these stories is imperfect. They may not know the whys of an act, such as what constitutes a crime, or what exactly a sword does. They merely crave the feeling of power, of being able to affect events. This is normal wish fulfillment, and typical behavior for the young boy.
So while we might at first worry about hearing about the executioner chopping heads off, we have to temper our response with the understanding that he might just be parroting what he’s heard a character say without knowing exactly what he’s talking about. He just knows that that’s what the character says, and that feels powerful. He’s no more likely to want to hurt someone than you or I would. At five years old, he’s still developing his sense of reality, and taking on roles of perceived power helps him navigate that reality. Of course, displays of unwarranted aggression should be watched, and bullying is never appropriate, but if you can say that in all other respects your son plays well with others, accepts boundaries, and displays a need for approval and love, then you can treat quirks like these as simply that: developmental quirks. These things may cause you to shake your head in consternation, but this too shall pass. Let your boy enjoy his boy-ness, and try to do the same.
