Child Rearing Gone To The Dogs

I recently had dinner with a friend of mine who was discussing her career as a breeder of dogs, and she said some interesting things. She mentioned that she follows the Dog Whisperer’s advice on dog rearing: exercise, discipline, and affection, in that order. She said that it’s our predilection as humans to want to place affection before all else, but that doesn’t acknowledge the fact that dogs are creatures of hard-wired instinct-driven behavioral patterns. Much of their emotional states can be managed by the level of exercise they get on a regular basis, and as natural pack members, they constantly crave reinforcement of the hierarchical pack structure, and their place in it.

Then she said that it wouldn’t be an entirely bad thing to raise a child with these precepts, and that set me back a bit. I had to give it some serious thought before leaping in to rebut that assertion.

How often have you seen an out of control toddler forced to stay indoors on a rainy day? Or marveled at the seemingly inexhaustible supply of energy flowing from a 5 year old? We’ve discovered that by getting our son outdoors early enough in the day to get exercise — say, by going on a hike in the nearby Marin headlands — his highs and lows are much more manageable than if we’d just stayed home. And we benefit from this as well, feeling much more in tune with our bodies and our own emotions.

And as for discipline, we know that as an entity constantly learning how the world operates, our son appreciates his boundaries. It’s important to a child to know what is and isn’t allowable, and gentle but firm reinforcement is the rule. Some people hear “discipline” and think “harsh negativity”, but it’s simply regular reminders of what proper behavior should be — saying “please” and “thank you”; learning patience; expressing frustration in positive ways, etc.

But my rebuttal comes in on the subject of affection. It’s my assertion that affection is not part of the list of priorities; it’s integrated with the other priorities. You can accomplish exercise and discipline with affection, rather than withholding affection as a reward for compliance. It’s simply positive feedback, as any behaviorist knows. So while it may be tempting to get a leash for your wildly running amok child, it’s better to remember who the alpha dog of the pack is and lead by example.