To Every Season, Turn, Turn, Turn

When our child went through potty training, we were convinced he’d never get it. We had read several articles, both online and in print about the subject, gotten tons of advice on how to manage the process, and had been preparing our son for about a week beforehand. We knew there would be resistance — moving from the relative ease of simply doing his business in a diaper to the more involved series of steps required to do it on the toilet might seem daunting to him, but it’s one of those steps necessary for growth.

But after weeks of constant crying and frustration on his part, and no real progress to be had, we finally gave up, hoping to try again when he was a bit older. To our surprise, a few weeks later he announced out of the blue that he was going to go use the restroom on his own. We watched as he strolled over to the toilet, pulled down his pants and underwear, sat right down on the kid seat we’d purchased, and went to work. We showed him how to wipe, and that was that. No muss, no fuss. We were, to use a British phrase, gobsmacked.

Since that time, a few other developmental milestones have come and passed, some managed, some not. After buying many how-to books, subscribing to tons of newsletters, and joining numerous online parent support groups, we’ve learned that sometimes you just have to wait for your child to be ready.

It’s funny how we feel that as parents we need to micromanage every step of our children’s development, when so much of what they go through is hard-wired into their cells. This is biology, pure and simple. When the moment’s right, events frequently happen on their own, organically. This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t monitor progress, or that you can just leave it all to chance, but you shouldn’t push too hard for development to occur. Too much stress on your child could actually hinder development in some cases, and create anxiety for the child as well. The key in these cases is learning the ability to let go, one of the hardest things for a parent to do. Nature is movement, and you can’t hold on to things too tightly; that’s just asking for heartbreak.

Now, when we read about how our son is supposed to have achieved this or that by this time in his life, we’re ready to just take our time with it and see how he does. These things happen in their time … and knowing that, we’re happier, he’s happier, and our lives are easier. Sometimes, it’s just time.