Our children are scared to trust in this violent society, scared to dream in the decreasing job market and scared to breathe inside a dying ozone. At age three, kids are watching cartoons with children singing “Say No To Drugs” in commercial breaks. It is a different world than the one we grew up in. How do we keep our children innocent like we once were and keep their childhood intact past the age of five?
Guard Their Minds
Sometimes it is easy to look past movies ratings and parental warnings, especially as our kids start to get a little older. But those guides are there for a reason. The younger a child is the more impressionable they are. You can tell them that the blood they see on the movie screen is just ketchup, but the violence that caused the blood has already been imprinted onto their young mind. Take this into consideration the next time your 10 year old wants to watch a PG-13 movie or your 14 year old want to buy a a CD labeled explicit. I make it a point to watch or read parent rated reviews on a movie before I let my kids see it. Even if it is an age appropriate rating, I still want to make sure it is not teaching my children something that is against our personal beliefs. A great website for reviews is www.kids-in-mind.com .
Monitoring what your kids watch and listen to is fairly straight forward. But we must also remember to monitor what we watch and listen to around them. My husband had a bad habit of watching violent TV shows while our boys were running in and out of the room. He would argue that they aren’t really watching it until one day a particular scene caught our son’s eye as he entered the room and he just stared at the screen horrified. It doesn’t matter if they aren’t sitting in the room with you. If they hear blood curdling screams and gunshots from the other room, you are slowly desensitising them to violence and downplaying the reality of it. And if you don’t think that they are listening to the lyrics of that song in the car, just think of how easily you suddenly find yourself singing along. Your kids learn just as quickly as you do, if not quicker.
Communicate
The first thing parents need to do is stay in touch with their children’s world. The sooner you get started the easier it is to follow their generation. Here are some ways you can keep in touch:
- Read their magazines and books to learn the issues and concerns of their age group.
- Watch television programs and movies with them to see what they are learning from TV.
- Listen to their music. Do the lyrics coincide with the morals you are teaching?
- Develop common interests. Try out a video game or CD ROM, this will open up things to talk about and show your kids that you can relate on their level.
- Talk to teachers and guidance counselors at parent conferences. They deal with kids five days a week and can tell you the concerns of today’s youth.
- Get to know your child’s friends and their parents when they visit. This will give you another view of children your child’s age.
The communication lines also need to stay open. Two keys roles in communicating are educating your child and learning to listen.
As a parent, it is your duty to make sure your child is properly informed about sex, drugs, puberty, sexually transmitted diseases, drinking, violence, peer pressure and other tough issues that face today’s kids. These are good things for your child to learn about when they come from the right source, a caring parent. The best time to start is when your kids start asking about the topic. Don’t change the subject or lie or it will make them feel as if they can’t come to you for this information later on in life. Instead approach it open and honestly and keep the content to the appropriate level for their understanding. Encourage your child to always ask when they have questions.
Once you have established communication lines with your kids it is important to keep talking. Whenever your child comes to you to talk, stop whatever you are doing to listen. If you talk to them over a newspaper they will not get the impression that they are worth your full attention. If you are in the middle of something you cannot stop, like exercising or cooking dinner let them know you will be “all ears” in twenty minutes or an hour and then stick to your word.
- Avoid telling kids how they feel. If your child says to you “I am in love with a boy at school,” don’t answer with, “Oh, no you’re not.” Instead ask “Why do you feel that?” Use questions to learn more.
- Try to set up a time each day or each week that you spend talking with each other. Try cooking dinner together or taking a walk on the same night each week. Starting this early will foster continued communication.
