Are You A Helicopter Parent?

By Bonnie Owens on May 15th, 2009

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Every parent wants the best for their kids. We want to help them recognize a good opportunity as well as help them avoid big mistakes. Many of us have the “if you want it done right, you have to do it yourself” mentality, which serves us well when they are young and need more intervention in their lives. But many times as they grow older we have a hard time loosing the reins. By the time your child reaches their teenage years they should be equipped to handle some situations on their own. And while they still need structure and discipline, they also need to be confident in making their own decisions. Many parents have a very hard time fostering independence during this critical time in their child’s life. It is okay to make the deal breaker decisions, like not going to an unchaperoned party this Friday. And you can even help guide them in the right direction on other issues. But be careful not to become the dreaded helicopter parent. You know the one that hovers, finishes their teen’s sentences and hand picks their friends. Not only is this embarrassing for their teen, it is debilitating. When they go off on their own to college and beyond, they will lack the confidence and experience to make crucial decisions and handle difficult situations on their own. Here are a few tips on how to walk the fine line between being a concerned parent and suffocating your teenager.

Do…

Have confidence in the values that you have instilled and the example that you have set. Kids pick up early on what our values are just by the way we act and the things we say.
Be open to discussion. When your teen tries to talk to you, drop what you are doing and listen. You may also want to schedule in specific time each week or month to spend time together and talk.
Listen to them without interrupting. When they are finished ask them to explain and expand on things. Not only will this make your teen feel respected and comfortable talking to you, it will provide you with a wealth of information you might not have otherwise gotten.

Don’t…

Speak for them when they are standing next to you. Instead ask them what they think about the matter.
Discount their feelings. Although teens are notorious for being over dramatic, it is is important to address what they are feeling and why rather than shrugging them off as being unreasonable.
Shelter them from their responsibilities. Let them take the lead in getting their driver’s license, applying to colleges and other steps toward becoming an adult.