Why Can’t We All Just Get Along?

By Akela Talamasca on May 19th, 2009

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There’s an interesting article about parent to parent socialization here. Essentially, the question posed is ‘What if you don’t like the parents of your child’s friends?’ This is bound to happen sooner or later; you’ll meet people you just can’t get along with. And although the article itself doesn’t provide any real solutions to the problem, the single commenter puts it well: ” … adults need to model politeness toward people we don’t agree with, because that’s something kids need to learn in order to be successful in life.”

And that’s a great point, if not an actual solution in and of itself. So, I’ll take a shot at it. The problem: you don’t like these parents, but you’re in a situation in which you’re forced to be social with them. How do you do it? Well, you’re going to have to suck it up and be adults, because the next step will be difficult: you need to get them to talk about themselves.

It’s the rare person indeed who isn’t somewhat interested in talking about themselves to someone who seems the least bit interested. Ask them about their job, their family, an interesting piece of jewelry, etc. This will be good, because it will put them more at ease, and as they relax, their true personalities will emerge. Of course, if their true personalities are what put you off of them, then this will be a chore, but it serves you better in the end to be friendly with someone you’re likely going to be spending a good deal of time with. Constantly putting off playdates will only work for so long; you need to confront this problem directly.

A secondary point wasn’t mentioned in the original article: what if you are the unlikeable parents? It’s probable that you don’t even realize it. The article makes the point that the others are the problem, when that’s equally likely to be applied to you. Does that change how you perceive the issue? What are you saying or doing that’s making the other parents uncomfortable?

In the end, just know that it will take time to become comfortable with people you don’t at first like. You might not ever get to the point where you’re glad to see them, but once you’ve spent the time trying to get to know a little more about them, you’ll then have a fall-back topic to discuss when you see them next, making each successive interaction that much easier. Remember: it’s not for you, it’s for your child.