Having a five year old boy is a challenge to many aspects of one’s personality. The older he gets, the more he can do, and that feeling of increasing ability is intoxicating; he is constantly pushing his boundaries. This can be tiring at times. As a father, I want my son to feel his power and feel as much freedom as he can before the inevitable societal clampdown begins to limit what he can get away with.
Having said that, however, there are obviously going to be times when he’ll want things that I feel he isn’t ready for. He might want to climb up higher than he should, for example, or eat too many sweets, or skip brushing his teeth. At this point, he’s going to hear “No”, and sometimes he won’t like it. Unfortunately, he has many ways of showing his displeasure, and some of them are just as unpleasant for me as they are for him.
If you’ve been a parent for a while, you’ll find that the tears of your child affect you more strongly than those of any other child. This is by design; we’re meant to be affected that way. I can be at the park and hear a child screaming its little lungs out and be fine with it, but hearing my son crying immediately galvanizes me into action. So, when he uses that cry to try to get me to give him what he wants, it can be a trying experience.
But as his father, I have to steel myself, and not let it affect me, especially when looking ahead and seeing it coming. Children need guidance growing up, and studies have proven that they do best when they know what their limits are. It’s up to us to teach them what these limits are. The best scenario is being able to explain to him why I’m refusing him something, and then offering an alternative. This isn’t always possible, but saying “No” shouldn’t be something for me to be afraid of; some parents are, and give in to their children too easily. This leads to spoiled behavior, which, in the long run hurts both child and parents.
If you have to say “No”, try to offer something in return. If you can’t, make sure you give your child a hug and help them calm down. This will teach them how to soothe themselves when you’re not around, which is an extremely valuable skill for a child to have. Don’t be afraid of “No”!
