By now, everyone knows all about the Mark Sanford scandal — his leaving his family to “celebrate” Father’s Day alone while he took off to Argentina to be with his mistress. Primary among all the talk is the continually reiterated question: What was he thinking?
It should be obvious to all that he simply wasn’t. And while we may find ways to understand this behavior — because we see it so often, and as human beings we find we need to understand — we will never condone it, nor should we. Because regardless of Sanford’s responsibility to his constituency, he has failed his even more important responsibility to his children.
The damage his infidelity has done to his political career is as nothing compared to what it has done to his family. His actions are not a bullet that destroyed merely his reputation, but a grenade that hurt everyone close to him. For the rest of their lives, even if they go on to rise above and make something great of themselves, Sanford’s children will always have this event hanging over their heads. Even if only as a footnote in an article otherwise dedicated to their achievements, the stain on their lives will never disappear.
Cheating on one’s spouse may feel good and extract some measure of revenge for whatever real or imagined slight endured at their hands, but the fallout is never contained to that moment. The offending member can never be trusted again, and trust is perhaps the single most important element of the familial dynamic. Without it, there can be no love, and without love, there can be no family.
Without judgment, I urge anyone who may be thinking of committing adultery to pursue an alternate route. Surely the trust of your child is worth putting aside your enmity. Be the bigger person and find another way.
