From its earliest conception through the live action Hollywood reincarnation, “G.I. Joe” has never been about anything more than toys.
Debuting in 1964, “G.I. Joe” was originally a 12 inch doll. Think Barbie for Boys. Years later, in 1982 to be exact, the figures got smaller and became one of the most popular franchises of the decade. The “G.I. Joe” brand not only spawned thousands upon thousands of toys, but TV shows, comic books, movies and more. These were the kick butt army guys who would save American during the Cold War with their up to the minute technology and inferior enemy, the evil Cobra.
This weekend marks a new, big budget Hollywood film based on those toys. Produced by Hasbro, “G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra” is one of those movies you’ll have to drag a little boy out of. It’s directed by Stephen Sommers, who did the first two “Mummy” movies, and is basically two hours of non stop gadgets, gizmos, testosterone and admittedly exciting action.
It’s also a not so subtle commercial hoping to relaunch interest in the “G.I. Joe” toy line. And guess what? It’s going to succeed.
From the very beginning of the new film, every single character, vehicle and weapon is given several seconds to shine. Even if it’s a motorcycle that one of the characters rides for five seconds, the film gives it a nice, slow motion shot so that boys can make a mental check list of all the accessories they are going to try and buy after the movie.
As the movie moves along, these micro commercials become increasingly hilarious. Less hilarious, however, for the parents who will surely be sitting there with their kids (the film is rated PG-13 for strong sequences of action violence and mayhem throughout, FYI). Parents will find it hard to forget that credit card in their pocket as the knowledge settles in that your son is going to want to play with that super duper jet, helicopter jet pack and rocket launcher that shoots a green solution composed of mini robots.
(This, this and this all might as well be clips from the movie.)
From an adult stand point, “G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra” is a pretty horrendous movie. The dialogue is laughable, the characters are paper thin and the story is completely out of this world. Unfortunately, this movie isn’t for you. It’s for your kids and they will love it. You might love it too, if you let it speak to the little kid inside you.
And either way, a little kid from somewhere is going to want toys after seeing this movie. So be prepared.
