Study results released in the September Journal of Moral Education indicate that the majority of parents lie to their kids. Santa, the tooth fairy, yeah, yeah, we got it. This goes beyond fairy tales, though. Researchers from the University of California, San Diego looked at everything from the tooth fairy to “what happens when Uncle Joe dies?” Surprisingly, almost 90% of the 130 college-aged respondents recognized at least one situation in which parents had lied out of nine hypothetical scenarios given. Of the same number of parents (unrelated to the students) given the same scenarios, about 80% admitted to lying to their own children. This after more than 70% of them said that they taught their children that lying is unacceptable. Wait, is lying okay or not? I guess it’s not until you’re a parent, right?
How can we expect our children to always tell the truth when we don’t even tell the truth all the time? Telling your children lies to get them to behave a certain way is not acceptable to me. Yes, you want Johnny to sit still in his car seat, but telling him the latch release button is actually an eject button? Um, you’re doing it wrong there, buddy. And Mom? You might want to think twice before you tell Suzie that the police will come take her away if she’s too loud in the store. I’m just sayin’…
So what about the mythical holiday hero thing? I’m one of those weird parents that didn’t tell my children that Santa or the tooth fairy or the Easter bunny existed – I told them the truth. I also told them they had the privilege to choose to believe if that’s what they wanted. I can’t describe the special moment and look I share with my children when we talk about Santa – because we’ve chosen the magic and fun of Santa Claus. There’s a twinkle in our eyes and a special bond when we track Santa every year. And lest you pinpoint me as “that horrible person whose kid ruined Henry’s Christmas by telling him the truth about Santa,” I also emphasize to my kids that it is a parent’s right to tell kids the truth, not theirs. Which is really what it all boils down to: it’s your right to lie to your kids if you choose to. Just don’t blame me when Lara doesn’t trust anything you say and is a massive cynic when she becomes a teen.
