Every parent has had to wage more than a few bedtime battles. There is a lot of standard advice, mostly coming down to that one, tried-and-true, all-important technique: the bedtime routine. In our house, the routine consists of bedtime snack followed by going to the toilet, brushing teeth, reading two stories and turning out the light. Kids will still find ways to prolong bedtime and resist sleep, however, driving parents crazy in the process. Here are five bedtime strategies that have been successful with my two preschoolers:
- Bed time. It’s not just the bedtime routine that’s important; it’s the actual bed time. We had been starting the bedtime routine at 8:00, which generally meant lights went out around 8:30. And then kids were up with one complaint or another until 10:30. Then one day we decided to shift bedtime snack up to 7:30, so that meant actual bedtime was 8:00. And like magic, the kids fell asleep. Really, are you kidding me? Putting them in bed earlier means they fall asleep faster? Turns out there’s a magic bedtime window when kids are tired, but not too overtired and cranky to fall asleep. Try an earlier bedtime, and for Pete’s sake, don’t keep them up later so that they’re “good and tired” – that backfires!
- Music. Both of our kids have CD players in their rooms that play lullaby CDs on endless repeat until they are deep, deep in dreamland. Our four-year-old has a selection of favorites he’s built up over the years, ranging from Fisher Price Tender Lullabies to Leonard Cohen. Our two-year-old has listened to the same dime-store lullaby CD every nap time and every bedtime for over a year. It’s part Pavlovian response – the first few bars of the first song are enough to make them drowsy. It’s part comfort and familiarity – something kids crave at bedtime, like a favorite teddy bear. And it’s part soundproofing from the rest of the house – we play the CD just loud enough to cover up the sounds of life in the rest of the house.
- Nightlight. Our oldest had never complained of the dark or asked for a nightlight, so we hadn’t bothered with one. Just before his fourth birthday, though, he started coming into our room almost every night, complaining of nightmares. Our pediatrician suggested a nightlight, saying that he might be rousing slightly in the middle of the night, after we’re in bed and the lights are off, and getting disoriented and frightened in the dark. This was another magic solution – he immediately went back to sleeping soundly through the night.
- Massage. My daughter has always loved massages. In fact, she liked it so much that by around a year old, anytime she sat in Daddy’s lap she would put his hands on her back and say, “Rub!” Soon, she was asking for a bedtime rub, and that’s still the final step in her bedtime routine. My son, also, at some point started asking for a bedtime massage, and he’s very particular about how it’s done – legs and feet first, then arms, then back, then face. That last part goes back to when he was a tiny infant and I would stroke his face to get him to sleep. It still relaxes him, and my intense little boy often drifts off to sleep with a relaxed smile on his face.
- 15 minute check-ins. This is something I stumbled across in a moment of parenting genius. It has worked on both kids, on many occasions, despite their very different temperaments. Every kid goes through phases from time to time of just not falling asleep. For whatever reason, they stay awake for hours, calling Mommy or Daddy every few minutes because they need a drink, they heard a noise, they need to go pee, etc. When these bedtime callbacks get out of hand, I say, “Don’t call me for anything. Just relax in bed. I will be back in 15 minutes, to see if you need anything.” This has a few advantages. It puts you in charge of the situation, rather than being at the child’s beck and call. It lets you continue with whatever you’re doing – at least the interruptions are predictable. It forces the child to lie quietly and begin relaxing in spite of himself, while still addressing his anxieties. It usually only takes a couple of 15-minute periods for kids to fall asleep, and after a couple nights of this they’re back to falling asleep on their own.
