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Your Grocery Store Can Get You (And Your Kids) Really High

By Kelly Turner on November 11th, 2009

theraflu_lemonI wasn’t feeling so hot last week, so I ran to my local grocery for my trusty ward-off-any-illness miracle workers: some daytime Theraflu, a big bag of oranges (which also doubles as a ward-off-any-attacker miracle worker) and chicken soup.

I got up to the counter, plopped down my loot, and started to punch in my savings number.  The girl ringing me up, who looked about 16 years old and could not be more unhappy to be there, grumpily asked for my ID.  I obliged without really thinking about it, handed her my expired ID with a hole punched in it and the temporary paper copy the DMV gave me until my new hard copy comes in the mail.

“I can’t take this.  It’s expired.”

“I know, that’s why I’m giving you my paper one- they are valid together.”


“Really.  Why are you carding me anyway?”

“The Theraflu.  It’s ‘day-time.’  Kids use it to get high.  Well, you can get high off the night-time, too, but it’s a different kind of high.”

Damn, I felt old.  I just turned 23 and already I’m not down with the current household methods of getting wasted.

“I did not know that.”

She perked up immediately, seemingly excited to talk about something she probably knew all too much about, as she continued to check me out.

“Oh, yeah! Just like cough syrup.  We totally have to card for duct tape, too, cause you can scrape off the silver coating and snort it to get high- or smoke it.  Same with cinnamon.  And then of course, spray paint, nail polish remover, paint thinner- that kind of stuff- cause you can huff it.”

Cinnamon? You learn something new everyday.

So, apparently, if you have these things on your grocery list, the checkers at the grocery store think you are a broke drug addict, or buying it for some kid in the alley out back.

Gone are the days of worrying about your child smoking a little pot, or stealing some of your prescription meds out of the bathroom cupboard to get high.  We now have to lock the kitchen and the garage up tight, to keep our kids from ingesting anything they can get their hands on in search of a buzz.

But, boy, was she right- I drank the Theraflu and felt like I could fly.  As I laid there on my living room floor, spinning, I thought of what adventurous hoodlum was the first one to say to his friends, “Hey, lets scrape and smoke this duct tape, just to see what happens!”

  • Sarah M.

    Grocery List:
    Thera Flu
    Duct Tape

    Thank you.

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