I know some parents think that everybody loves their kids as much as they do. How could they not, they are so cute! I get that train of thought, although I have never been under this illusion. But I didn’t think that complete strangers hated them, except for like Al-Qaeda maybe. That was until I read this LA Times article by Amy Alkon. In this article Amy is extremely put off that a mother brought her unruly toddler on an airplane. (No, Amy was not on the airplane.) She believes that if your child may at anytime be loud or throw a tantrum that you should not bring them out into public, or at the very least you should ”gas up the old minivan” for travel, until they have outgrown that stage. Ms. Alkon also thinks that allowing a child to throw a fit in her vicinity is like stealing from her, because you are robbing her of her attention and peace of mind and you are forcing her to pay for your life choices. I think that it is safe to assume that Amy is a little wrapped up in herself, but it did get me thinking. Does the general childless population see my kids as sanity-robbing thugs who cause nothing but misery everywhere they go?
I think that almost every parent on Earth sees the birth of their first child as a game changer. Your perspective changes, your priorities change and it gives you a new appreciation for the circle of life. But I think that we can all agree that this is a feeling that you cannot relay to others. You have to experience it to feel that change. I can remember seeing a few tantrums in my pre-parenting days. I used to think “Wow, what a brat.” Although I don’t ever recall thinking, “How dare that child scream in my presence?” Now when I see a child throwing a tantrum, two thoughts race through my mind; 1.) I’m glad that’s not my kid (because it easily could be) and 2.) That poor parent. Raising children is a process. That is why it take 18 years to get them out of your house. You have to acclimate them to peacefully coexist with the rest of society. And that doesn’t come without a little kicking and screaming, especially in the early years. I am always grateful to the kind stranger (usually a parent or grandparent themselves) that helps distract my child during a tantrum to diffuse the situation. Or even a sympathetic smile that says, “hang in there.” What is not helpful is a room(or a plane) full of angry glares. That only makes an already flustered, and probably pretty embarrassed, mom even more frantic. And when Mom is on edge, it is pretty unlikely that she is going to be able to get Junior to calm down. For some reason people like Amy Alkon think that parents should be punished with nastiness when their kids get upset. Aren’t they already being punished enough by their screaming child? Sure, I guess we could all spank our children into submission, but that would just raise bitter and rebellious teenagers, which is much more detrimental to society than a crying child.
So do you have to be a parent to be sympathetic? Possibly. It could be like birth where you have to go through it to understand it. They haven’t seen our children grow and develop from a tiny little baby. So they don’t understand that the child flailing around on the floor is doing it because they are too young to have developed the reasoning skills necessary to understand why their mom doesn’t want to spend $40 on a toy they are just going to lose all the pieces to by tomorrow. And they may not know that the average toddler needs 12 hours of sleep each day. And maybe that particular toddler did not get their afternoon nap because the boy next door was playing his drums too loudly. Basically, they don’t understand the enormous amount of factors that are at play in why a baby or toddler does what they do. And that many of these factors are out of Mom and Dad’s hands. The whole “It take a village to raise a child” saying became popular for a reason. So to my childless readers please take all of this into consideration the next time you are annoyed by a small child. And if nothing else I said appeals to you remember this consoling thought, at least you don’t have to take that screaming kid home with you.
