Whether we like it or not, sexuality is a part of our childrens’ lives. If they attend school and interact regularly with other children, their sexual education will begin long before we think they are ready to learn about the birds and the bees. Some parents find the topic of sexuality an embarrassing subject to broach with their kids, but even children as young as two and three years of age will be curious about their bodies. As they continue to grow and develop, those questions and discussion may become even more difficult, possibly even making you as a parent feel uncomfortable. Perhaps your own parents weren’t open with you about development and sexuality, and figuring out how to answer your child’s questions can be overwhelming.
Age appropriate discussions with your child about development, growth and sexuality can provide your children with the confidence they need to make the right decisions about their own sexuality when they are faced with sexual situations. Here are some tips.
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Toddlers 1-3
Small children between the ages 1 and 3 are brand new to their body. During bath time and while getting dressed, they will ask questions about their genitals. It is important that you teach them the proper terminology for the parts of their body instead of assigning nicknames. This is an early start on their education, and will establish a sense of comfort with their body from the start.
It is also important that you don’t discourage them or make them feel shameful if they begin to explore their body. Because of the nerve endings in their genitals, they may find comfort and pleasure in touching their genitals. This touching is not to be confused with masturbation, or discouraged, even if it makes you uncomfortable. Teaching your child that touching his or her body is wrong could lead to shame and confusion. On the other hand, it is important to teach your child the importance of privacy when exploring the private areas of their body.
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Children 4-6
Exposure to other children during this age will fire up your child’s curiosity. They may begin asking questions about why girl’s are different than boys or where babies come from. This interest is natural, but continuing to educate your child on a level they understand is imperative. At this age, continue to encourage privacy during body exploration and explain why others need privacy as well. Establishing an openness with your child about privacy, body exploration and inappropriate touching is imperative because it sets up boundaries that will discourage your child from touching others. It will also make them feel comfortable enough to tell you if someone tries to touch them inappropriately.
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School Age Children
Once your child enters school, their interactions with other children will increase their personal curiosity about the body and sex. Unfortunately, you can’t monitor what or how other parents teach their children. Even if you have properly prepared your child prior to school, teaching them about privacy and appropriate behavior, you may find yourself faced with increasing curiosity about sex, the body, intimacy and how babies are made. They may even begin to pick up sexual terminology from the other kids at school. Damage control during this time is not going to be easy, as it is up to you as a parent to determine your child’s emotional readiness and level of understanding.
While you may not consider your school age child a sexual being, many children between the ages of 9 and 10 are already starting to go through puberty. Preparing them for these bodily changes is imperative, so they don’t wind up scared and confused. By the time your child reaches the age of 10, they should know about menstruation and puberty, how the sexual organs work, pregnancy and how babies are conceived, birth control and sexually transmitted diseases and your family’s personal moral values in regards to sex.
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Teenagers
If you have kept the lines of communication open throughout your child’s development, your teen may feel more comfortable talking to you when faced with sexual situations, decisions and questions. It is important to let your teenager know you support them, and you are there when they need to talk, but you also want to give them their space. Teenagers are preparing to enter into adulthood, and the decisions they make during these crucial years will prepare them for entering the world. Even if you have asked your child not to have sex, when the time comes for them to make that decision you can only hope you have prepared them to make the right choices.
Continuing to stress the importance of birth control and protection from sexually transmitted diseases could protect your child in the event they do decide to have sex.
Broaching sexual topics with your own children may not always be easy or comfortable, but not taking the initiative to discuss these topics with your child will put their sexual education in other people’s hands. You can’t count on other children, parents, the educational system and especially not the Internet to provide your child with the tools they need to keep them safe.
