Little Billy has written a lot of letters, asking for advice from a lot of high profile figures – celebrities, politicians, diplomats and notorious criminals alike have responded generously to the grade-schooler’s handwritten inquires. Too bad “little” Billy is actually grown-up Bill Geerhart, a writer who has compiled the responses to his hoax letters into a new book “Little Billy’s Letters.”
Geerhart started little Billy’s letter writing campaign in the mid-1990s when he was a bored and unemployed writer in Los Angeles. As little Billy he wrote to Robert Shapiro, O.J. Simpson’s notorious defense attorney, asking for advice about how to defend himself against parental accusations that he had dismembered his sisters doll, despite the fact that the dog did it. Shapiro responded enthusiastically, full of ideas for how Billy could find clear his name. “Is there any forensic evidence that will support your theory that the dog killed the doll? Were any scraps of doll clothing found near his dog house, perhaps? How about tooth marks on the doll’s remains (assuming there were any remains)? If so, a good forensic dentist should be able to match them to the dog.” Shapiro also points out that a witness could prove Billy’s innocence or a DNA test could confirm that dog saliva were present on the corpse.
Shapiro’s letter is just one of many hilarious, fascinating and heart-rending entries in the book. Bill sought career advice from Dr. Jack Kevorkian, informing the infamous suicide doctor that he was leaning towards “convenience store clerk” as a career because he would have access to video games on the job. Kevorkian replied from his prison cell that “sometimes I wish I was a 7-Eleven clerk!” A letter to Son of Sam slayer David Berkowitz in which little Billy ponders whether or not he should drop out of school brought an emphatic “don’t do self-destructive things” and an out pouring of the killers own grief and guilt. Billy also received good-luck wishes from former President Gerald For and former Vice President Dan Quayle. Larry Flynt replied to a query from Billy about whether there was a Hustler magazine for kids with the encouraging, “Hang in there – you’ll be 18 before you know it. Until then, you should read the Sears & Roebuck catalog.” Anheuser-Busch executives weren’t such good sports. When Billy wrote them asking if there was beer for kids, they responded by sending a pamphlet on how to talk to kids about drinking to Billy’s “parents.”
“Little Billy’s Letters” is published by William Morrow. It runs 240 pages and sells for $19.99.
