Parenting can often be challenging. There are some days that I just want to lock myself in the bathroom and take a nap in the tub. But there are a few simple changes that you can implement to make parenting instantly easier. It will never be effortless but these steps can make mom and dad a little happier and kids more willing to obey the house rules.
- Nurture Your Child’s Self Esteem. Kids start developing their sense of self as babies when they see themselves through their parents’ eyes. Your tone of voice, your body language, and your every expression are all absorbed by your kids. Your words and actions as a parent affect their developing self-esteem more than anything else. Try to catch your kids behaving well and acknowledge them for it. Praising accomplishments, however small, will make them feel proud. And letting your kids do things independently will make them feel capable and strong. By contrast, belittling comments or comparing a child unfavorably with another will make kids feel worthless. Avoid making loaded statements or using words as weapons.
- Make Time for Your Kids. It’s often difficult for parents and kids to make time for each other. But there is probably nothing kids would like more. Get up 10 minutes earlier in the morning so you can eat breakfast with your child, or leave the dishes in the sink and take a walk after dinner. Kids who aren’t getting the attention they want from their parents often act out or misbehave because they’re sure to be noticed that way. Adolescents seem to need less undivided attention from their parents than younger children. Because there are fewer windows of opportunity for parents and teens to get together, parents should do their best to be available when their teen does express a desire to talk or participate in family activities. Attending concerts, games, and other events with your teen communicates caring and lets you get to know more about your child and his or her friends in important ways.
- Make Communication a Priority. You can’t expect kids to do everything simply because you “say so.” They want and deserve explanations as much as adults do. If we don’t take time to explain, kids will begin to wonder about our values and motives. Parents who reason with their kids allow them to understand and learn in a nonjudgmental way. Make your expectations clear. If there is a problem, describe it, express your feelings, and invite your child to work on a solution with you. Be sure to include consequences. Make suggestions and offer choices. Be open to your child’s suggestions as well. Kids who participate in decisions are more motivated to carry them out.
- Be Flexible and Willing to Adjust Your Parenting Style. If you catch yourself feeling let down by your child’s behavior, it may be because you have unrealistic expectations. Parents who think in “shoulds” (like, “My baby should be walking by now”) may find it helpful to read up on the matter or to talk to other parents or their pediatrician. A child’s environment has an impact on their behavior, so you may be able to modify that behavior by changing the environment. If you find yourself constantly saying “no” to your 2-year-old, look for ways to restructure your surroundings so that fewer things are off-limits. This will cause less frustration for both of you. As your child changes, you’ll gradually have to change your parenting style. Chances are, what works with your child now won’t work as well in a year or two.
- Show That Your Love Is Unconditional. A critical part of being a parent is correcting and guiding your kids. But how you express your corrective guidance makes all the difference in how a child receives it. When you have to confront your child, avoid blaming, criticizing, or fault-finding, which undermine self-esteem and can lead to resentment. Instead, try to nurture and encourage, even in discipline. Make sure they know that although you want and expect better next time, your love is there no matter what.
- Be Aware of Your Own Needs and Limitations as a Parent. Like it or not, we are all imperfect parents. We have strengths and weaknesses as a family leader. Recognize your abilities and commit to work on your weaknesses. Try to have realistic expectations for yourself, your spouse, and your kids. No one is perfect. Try to make parenting a manageable job. Focus on the areas that need the most attention rather than trying to do everything all at once. Admit it when you’re burned out. Take time out from parenting to do things that you enjoy.
- Set Limits and Be Consistent With Your Discipline. The goal of discipline should be to help kids choose acceptable behaviors and learn self-control. They may test the limits you establish for them, but they need those limits to grow into responsible adults. Establishing house rules helps kids understand your expectations and develop self-control. A common mistake parents make is failure to follow through with the consequences. You can’t discipline kids for disobeying one day and ignore it the next. Being consistent teaches what you expect.
