Do you ever feel like you are talking to a brick wall with your kids. You repeat yourself half a dozen times and then they just look at you and say, “huh?” This scenario happens at our house constantly and it drives me nuts. It is hard enough to get things done, but when you have to sing a song about to get any attention you are bound to hit a breaking point. If you have hit yours, check out these simple changes that almost magically transform your kids from disrespectful delinquents to mindful little helpers.
- Remember that kids are people too. So often we don’t give our kids the same respect that we would give any other person. If you had a boss that was always pointing and yelling at you, chances are you wouldn’t stay with that company for long. There is a difference between adults and children. Which is why adults have more options and decisions than kids do. But kids still deserve to be treated with love and dignity.
- Ask nicely. Human beings are programmed to resist being bossed around. When parents come at their kids, rather than to them, they activate their child’s rebellion switch. Instead of engaging in these kinds of power struggles, try asking instead of telling. When a child feels like their view matters they’re far more likely to be receptive to their parent’s input or direction. It is like when you call your bank to dispute a charge. If you start off yelling demands at the representative, they are going to get defensive and try to make things harder for you. But if you come to them with your problem and ask for their help to solve it, they are more likely to try their best to make things work in your favor.
- Focus on enforcement. When you first start off, you cannot expect your children to hop right to your commands. Kids have learned that they don’t have to cooperate right away. Most of us start off asking our kids to do something nicely, and if they don’t listen we ask a second time using a louder and firmer tone of voice and then we escalate to threats. And they know that a lot of those threats are empty ones. When you tell your kids to turn off the TV, make sure it happens. Don’t walk away and hope the kids will do as they’re told. Stay with them until it’s done. Turn off the television yourself if needed. Don’t yell, don’t threaten, just do it. Also be sure to have a consistent discipline routine in place so that your kids know what to expect. Something like, if they willfully ignore you then they automatically lose privileges. Be sure that the consequences are appropriate and follow through with them. If your kids get away with bad behavior even once it will set precedence and they will push you to see if they can get away with it again.
- Say thanks. Like most people, your kids will probably be more apt to help out if they feel appreciated. And saying please and thank you sets a good example for them to learn from.
- Make it fun. Your kids take their cue from you. If you make bedtime sound like a dreadful occasion, then they are going to dread it. But if you make it something that they look forward to, complete with stories and snuggles, then it is going to go a little easier for both of you.
