“Families come in many ways & Sometimes they don’t come from your tummy” – BCPASSIONS
In the past, experts thought lying was the best way to bring an adopted child into this world and within your family. Treat them as your own – and ignore the basic physical conundrums. Why do I look different? Why do I feel different? Why does everyone seem to know something I don’t?
Among other things, like riding in a car without a seat belt and drinking at work – we found this to be an outdated, unhealthy and outright stupid way of dealing with such a huge issue. In the land of the interweb – an adoption decree, old twitter account and baby forum questions could be found with a simple Google search – and I might be wrong about this, but I wouldn’t bank on the internet being gone before you kid learns how to tweet.
That being said, we should assume that you’re going to TELL your child they’re adopted – but how?
1. Start Young
No child wants to wake up at 18 years old and find out that they’re adopted. When you begin talking to your child, that’s when you should start sowing the seeds of their unique situation.
2. Introduce Information in Building Block Fashion
You can’t look at a three year old and tell them they’re adopted – it would be awkward and you wouldn’t exactly be getting the message across. Instead, tell your child in building block fashion. Start young and introduce them to different kinds of families, when you see pregnant moms out and about explain to them how they came to you in a different and special way. Telling them in little bursts allow them to process the information and apply to their life.
3. Keep Talking about It
You can’t tell a child they’re adopted and never talk about – your child will feel isolated and alone. Talk with them frequently about how they feel about it, be prepared with the questions they are going to ask and make sure you don’t get defensive if they want to know more about their biological parent.
4. Tell your Child you Love them.. Often.
Whether or not you have another child or two or three, make your adopted child feel loved. Tell them often how much you love them, especially during periods where they seem to be asking more questions about their adoption. They might be feeling alone and less than self confident about their unique situation and need some encouragement. They want to know that you will never leave them.
5. Stay Calm
Children have questions – they are learning every second of every day. If a question surprises you or makes you angry – take a moment. You don’t want to break the lines of communication you have with your child especially around the subject of their origin. If you are offended by something they say, tell them calmly – “Mommy feels sad when you say that, but I will try my best to answer it.” Don’t hold back your feelings, but don’t isolate your child’s either.
No child should feel alone and isolated for being adopted. They want what every child wants – the love and encouragement of a parent. So keep communication with your child about how special they are, how much you love them, and answer any questions they may have for success!
YOUR THOUGHTS?
Have you adopted a child? Are you adopted? Tell us your thoughts about this article!
